Not like that!

You know the sort of thing – if Shakespeare were alive today he'd be writing lyrics for rock groups, and Beau Brummel would be doing the gossip column in the Daily Mail. I don't, of course, approve of that sort of thing. Except...

June: the new Isabella?

It's irresistible to think that Mrs Beeton (“The Book of Household Management, comprising information for the mistress, housekeeper, cook, kitchen-maid, butler, footman, coachman, valet, upper and under house-maids, lady’s-maid, maid-of-all-work, laundry-maid, nurse and nurse-maid, monthly, wet, and sick nurses, etc. etc.”) would today be running a website rather like Hints and Things. This treasure trove of practical advice is actually brought to us by June Jackson, a “plump, old, grey wrinkly living in the south of England” (her words, I hasten to add). She's a star.

June's starting point is that stuff about running a home, or even running your life, is nowadays not efficiently passed down from one generation to the next, so she stands in place of your extended family, doling out tips on cooking, knitting, sewing, gardening, cost-cutting, cleaning, healthcare, beauty... the list just goes on and on. It's all set out in the context of a Cluedo-like house plan, each room being devoted to a set of topics.

June hasn't written all this stuff – she has gathered the best she could find on each subject. So advice to brides comes from a commercial website, while winter safety tips come from West Sussex County Council.

There are also competitions, links to freebies, and adverts to pay for all the wonderful free advice. Don't struggle to get that stubborn stain out, or panic over an alternative when you run out of cream. Just go and see June. Oh, she does concrete mixing, too!

(From the Gateway to websites, select “Home & garden”. Hints and Things is a Key Link.)

A lovesome thing, God wot!

After all that housework, how about getting outside and visiting a garden. Somebody else's garden can be an inspiration and an example, or it can be an opportunity for an enjoyably-malicious “I could do better than that” hour or so.
The National Gardens Scheme is usually associated with (we hope) idyllic summer days, when we can rootle around somebody's pride and joy, maybe buy some cuttings, and have a cup of tea with home-made cake. But the scheme organisers recognise that people want things to do and places to go throughout the year.

So there is now a sprinkling of early-openers for which you can search by popping in your postcode and stipulating how far you will travel. Admittedly, I found few gardens near me with owners brave enough to risk a February opening, but it's nearly March and, from then on, the gardening world's your oyster. It's all for charity, so you can retain a virtuous glow of satisfaction as you turn your nose up at the roses and snigger at the chrysanthemums.

(From the Gateway to websites, select “Home and garden”. The National Gardens Scheme is under “Gardening”.)

But can you eat it?

The text for today’s lesson comes from the late great Edmundo Ros, whose sepulchral tones ring in my ear as I type: "It’s illegal, it’s immoral or it makes you fat!"

Healthy eating – OK, the advice from "experts varies daily, but is there someone who can help us eat healthily (and maybe enjoy our food as well)?

A picture of health

In current UK use, the word "agency" can make the blood run cold. Government agencies run amok through our society, with politicians running behind them whining "not my responsibility". So why bother with the website of the Food Standards Agency?

The FSA seems to have received some good advice on how to run a website which informs without hysteria or too much gobbledegoop. OK, they always have line-up of warnings about who’s trying to poison us this week, but even these steer well clear of raging headlines and overblown prose. But let’s leave the poxy peanuts and the rest, and have a look at what they say about nutrition (there’s a link in the left hand column).

In terms of eating well myself (I try, I try) I was attracted by the section entitled "Using the eatwell plate". Now the eatwell plate is an attempt to make a balanced diet possible for people who nod off during well-intended lectures on nutrition. There’s a lovely picture of a plate, divided in proportion to the amounts of food types you should be eating – meat and fish, fruit and veg, rice and spuds, and so on. I was going to liken it to a pie-chart, but somehow that doesn’t seem appropriate!

You can read some rather careful words about using the eatwell plate concept, but the picture itself, along with some useful external links, makes a good start on its own – you can get a larger-sized picture to print off and tape to the side of your deep-fat fryer.

(From the Gateway to websites, select "Home & garden". The Food Standards Agency is under "Food and drink".)

Oh, you know, I just threw it off!

You know how it is: you look in the kitchen, you find a few bananas, and a bit of old chicken in the fridge, and you need to rustle up a little something in about half an hour. What to do? Turn to the Recipe Search, that’s what. And thirty minutes later you impress your guests with Chicken Maryland with fried Banana.

The Recipe Search comes from Sainsbury’s, who obviously want you to toddle down to the nearest branch and buy any of the ingredients you don’t have to hand. But the website is freely available, so you can buy the stuff wherever you like.

Mind you, for the chicken and banana concoction you need an oven. So I’m not sure what I’ll be able to do with them using a microwave and a toaster. Bearing in mind that "Mama Don’Wan’No Peas An’ Rice An’Coconut Oil" (Count Basie).

(From the Gateway to websites, select "Home & garden". Recipe Search is under "Food and drink".)

Picture credit: ostephy/morguefile.com